The Top Ten Reasons Your Tassels May Not Be Twirling Properly

Above: Elvira twirling her tassels in Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)
I have been teaching tassel-twirling for over ten years and have taught thousands of people of every body type–large busted, flat chested, skinny, curvy, fat, fine boned, big boned, real, fake, male, female, genderbendy, child-chewed, mastectomied, wheelchaired, perky, floppy, uneven, and just about any other configuration of body that could possibly twirl tassels–to twirl tassels in, out, in opposition, one at a time, kneeling, lying down, and upside down; on their breasts, behinds, penises, torsos, arms, legs, hands, feet, and faces. It is one of the greatest joys of my life. To help more people twirl their best, I have come up with:
  The Top Ten Reasons Your Tassels May Not Be Twirling Properly
By Jo Weldon
  1) Your tassels are too light or too heavy.   
2) Your tassels are too short or too long.   
3) Your tassels are sewn or otherwise attached too tightly to the pastie to be able to swing.   
4) Your tassels are stuck to your pasties, under the edge of your pasties, or to your sweat, glitter gel, or body lotion.   
5) Your pasties are too flat (usually more likely to be an issue for breast tassels than for assels).   
6) Your pasties are detaching from your skin and flying free. Exciting, but not conducive to twirling.   
7) You aren’t bouncing/shaking/flexing hard enough/fast enough/gently enough/deeply enough/enough times to gain momentum.   
8) You are wearing different shoes than those in which you learned to twirl and as a result are off balance or don't have the same degree of mobility, and are not doing the same rhythm or moves that actually work for you.   
9) You are doing a move that you saw work on someone else but haven’t yet accepted does not actually work on you.
10) You are forcing musicality to the rhythm of the song, which unfortunately defies the rhythm your body requires for the physics of twirling.  
Bonus totally acceptable, often given but less frequently the real reasons (because it's more likely one of the above reasons): You lost or gained weight/the stage was slippery/you were just off that night. 
Bonus unacceptable reason: You looked down at them. This can actually change your posture or the skin tension on your chest, results in a loss of momentum.
 Different things work on different bodies. One of the fabulous things about learning to twirl tassels is discovering how individual our bodies can be. You may need a longer or short tassel, a pointier or flatter pastie, a faster or slower bounce, or have other differences, than the twirlers you admire. You have to learn what your own body does!  Remember, even if only one tassel twirl technique  works on you, you're still doing it. Whatever works on you is your move. Practice in front of a mirror, and let me know how it goes.
 Also, tell me when my tassels aren’t twirling properly. By all means do tell me, it’s like lipstick on my teeth! A friend would take me aside and discreetly let me know.

If you have suggestions, you can add them in the comments below! I'll be sharing this post with students regularly over the years and I know they'd be excited by your expertise.

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